From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: From John kiff (Urgent)
Date: Thu, 06 Mar 2008
To "Matt Borden"
From John kiff,
Permit me to inform you of going into a business transaction with you. I am the child of fedrick kiff from Ivory Coast my late father was an international businessman and a cocoa merchant. my father and family was killed by my uncle on March 22 2007 and as his only child they are also seeking to kill me too.
Before the death of my Father he deposited 10.5 million USD dollars in a suspense account in a bank in Ivory Coast and told me to seek for a foreign partner that will provide account overseas where the funds will be transfered to for Investment.
Please I am asking you to assist me so that this funds can be transfered to your account for Investment.Every documents about the funds is legal.
God bless you.
John kiff
From: "Matt Borden"
Subject: Re: From John kiff (Urgent)
Date: Thu, 06 Mar 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Hello John,
How can I help you?
Matt
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: Transfer Details
Date: Fri, 07 Mar 2008
To “Matt Borden”
Dear Sir Matthew
Thank you for your urgent response to my mail and your acceptance to assist me in this transaction, as a matter of fact i will want us to proceed immedatly without waisting anytime,
You will take %20 of the total of USD 10.5 million for providing an account and %5 of the total of 10.5million for your expenses during the transfer.
Below are the details that is needed for the transfer:
1.Your full names and address
2.Your age and occupation.
3.country of origin
4.scanned copy of your international passport or drivers lincense
5.Your personel telephone and fax numbers
Once i get this information we will move on for the transfer and when i spoke with the bank director he told me that the transfer will take only 3 working days to get to your account once you get the neccessay legal documents.
Once i get the above mentioned details from you i will give you the contact of the bank where my late father deposited the money for you to be in contact with the bank director and discuss with him on how the money will be transfered to your account.
Here is the phone number that you can reach me on because for the moment, i am in a hotel in Abidjan where i am hiding because of the people that killed my late father dial +225 09742486.
My full Names are John ude Kiff and my address at the moment is bp 10 rue de bietry 10 abidjan and i am 21 years old and my passport number is 0056023 i was born on feb 5 1987.
awaits to receive the details from you.
Thank you and God bless you.
John Kiff
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: what's happening why the sudden silence,
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 2008
To “Matt Borden”
Dear Sir Matthew,
Goodday,I am getting worried , what's happening why the sudden silence, after your last mail ? Just a note for now would suffice,Try and email me back,
Perhaps you are busy?
I am waiting to hear from you
Thanks and God bless you,
Regards
john
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: what's happening why the sudden silence,
Date: Tue, 11 Mar 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Dearest John,
I am so sorry I missed the e-mail you sent. You never did say... how is your mother doing throughout this terrible ordeal?
Your friend,
Sir Matthew
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: From John
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2008
To “Matt Borden”
Dear Sir Matthew
Gooday,Thank you for your email,I lost my mother before the death of my father,I dont have any body in my side then my father brother, who planing to kill me and take the money,pls sir try and help me in this problem, send me your information so that i will send it to the bank,
Below are the details that is needed for the transfer:
1.Your full names and address
2.Your age and occupation.
3.country of origin
4.scanned copy of your international passport or drivers lincense
5.Your personel telephone and fax numbers
In my next mail i will give you the contact of the bank so that you contact them and hear from them,
Thank and God bles you,
john kiff
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: From John
Date: Wed, 19 Mar 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Beloved John,
You asked about my job. I am proud to say that I am a professional rodeo clown. This is a very dangerous and demanding job, but it pays well. I am sorry to hear that your mother is lost, but I am sure that my rodeo clown colleagues and I could find her, if you only tell me where we should start looking. We have horses and ropes and big floppy shoes good for hiking in the mud. Just say the word and we'll begin the search.
My fondest regards,
Sir Matthew I
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: From John kiff
Date: Thu, 03 Apr 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
Dear sir
How are you doing? hope all is well with you and your family over there, i wish to inform you that i have finally achieved the project of which I contacted you to come forward to assist me on. An indian man mind was touched to effect the project by assisting both financial and morally to transfer the money to his account in his country-INDIA.
However, my mind was touched to appreciate your effort with the sum of USD950,000 for your effort for helping me, though you couldn't make it but i understood your sincere mind and willingness to assist and that's was why i have left over a draft of USD950,000 Dollars to compensate you.
Right now you have to contact the lawyer whom i have handed the draft of USD950,000 to release it to you as soon as you contact him.
USMAN SALEEF CHAMBERS
LAWYER NAME:BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF
LAWYER ADDRESS:05 RUE DE BIETRY COCODY 05 ABIDJAN
PRIVATE MOBILE NUMBER : +225 0904 0217
EMAIL:barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Contact him and ask him of how you can receive the draft from ivory coast, this is because i cannot send out money through any means out here in India, there are no western union office nor money gram for easy sending and receiving of funds.
Confirm to me as soon as you receive this draftt so that i can know that the lawyer really delivered it.
May the peace of our Lord be with you and your family always.
john kiff
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: From John kiff
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Most Dear John,
Your letter has touched my mind. Truly now I feel that you are one of my closest friends (although I must say that it pleases me that you call me "Sir" because it shows you recognize my status as a person of the highest standing). I am so glad to hear that things are starting to work out for you. I mean, I know your family was killed and all, but certainly now you are wealthy—overall what a blessing! It is great that the Indian man you mentioned was able to assist you morally as you say and transfer all that money.
Of course I am excited that you have set aside $950,000 for me for everything I have done for you. I do have just a quick question or two: What exactly do I need to do to collect that money? Do I need to send you some information? Do you need my daughter's first name or just her last name? What about her middle name? And her second middle name? For my mailing address, do I put "USA" or "America" or "United States" or "United States of America?" For my name: how should I spell it? Do you need my rodeo clown national ID number? What about my social security number and my driver's license number and my license plate and the model of my car? Also, do you need my tax returns at all? How about my grocery store super-saver card number? Finally, I think I remember my shoe size from high school grades 9, 10 and 12. For some reason I can't recall grade 11, but hopefully we can do without this.
Please, let me know how much information to give you. Thank you John, you have been a great friend so far.
His Eminence, Matthew I
PS You said you were in India. That's great! I'd love to try the curry! If I go there, where could we meet?
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: From John kiff
Date: Wed, 16 Apr 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
Dear Matt Borden
Thank you for your mail, i will give you the contact of th lawyer for more information, This his contact information,
USMAN SALEEF CHAMBERS
LAWYER NAME:BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF
LAWYER ADDRESS:05 RUE DE BIETRY COCODY 05 ABIDJAN
PRIVATE MOBILE NUMBER : +225 0904 0217
EMAIL:barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Contact him and ask him of how you can receive the draft from ivory coast, this is because i cannot send out money through any means out here in India, there are no western union office nor money gram for easy sending and receiving of funds.
Thank and God bles you
John
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: From John kiff
Date: Thu, 17 Apr 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Good Friend John,
I am so happy that you have sent me the name of your lawyer, USMAN SALEEF CHAMBERS. I feel like I am making so many new friends now. I only wish I knew the name of that kind Indian man whose mind so morally helped you. I was just thinking that we, you and I and the Indian gentleman and now the lawyer, could all get together for a little reunion.
Now, since your family was killed in the Ivory Coast, we should probably have our get-together someplace else. India would be okay, except of course there are so many people living there already, it might get a little crowded. So, I talked to my rodeo clown buddies and they agreed that we could have the party at one of our rodeo venues in western Montana. I am sure you know that Montana is the least populated state in the USA--it's perfect! Now, I really want to print and mail out some pretty invitations for our reunion. Of course I have the address for the lawyer and I will certainly contact him right away. What I don't have yet is the address of your friend in India. Could you please e-mail me his address? It is urgent that I be able to write him also. Plus, I want to share with him some of the money you are giving me. You said I would get $950,000, so I thought about it a lot and I want to give your Indian friend $5 of that amount for all his work. I am so looking forward to meeting everyone in person.
I hope to hear from you soon John!
Your very good friend,
His Royal Highness, Matthew I
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: From John kiff
Date: Fri, 18 Apr 2008
To: Matt Borden
Dear Matt Borden
Gooday,Try contact the lawyer and hear from him,
Thanks and God bles you,
John
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: From John kiff
Date: Sat, 19 Apr 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Good Friend John Kiff,
It is so strange... I was just thinking about you, and suddenly here you are sending me an e-mail. It's such a weird coincidence, almost supernatural. It's like dejá vu--has that ever happened to you? It's like dejá vu—has that ever happened to you? I am glad you mentioned the lawyer, because I want to contact him. It's like dejá vu--has that ever happened to you? I was going to write him this morning after I finished planting the spring pumpkins on my rooftop garden. However, as I was on my roof with my pumpkin seeds and whiskey, the wind suddenly picked up and blew my hat off. The problem is that I had saved the address of the lawyer inside my hat, along with numerous other important documents such as my birth certificate and my home mortgage papers. My hat then flew into my neighbor's pool and it got soaked so I can't read the lawyer's address.
Anyway, that's what I wanted to ask you, could you please send me again the contact information for the lawyer? I want to write him right away today, so please write back immediately if you can.
Thanks so much John,
Your pal,
King Matthew of Portugal
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Contact information
Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn, barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Dear BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF,
I am writing to you at the request of my good friend John Kiff. He asked that I write to you so that I can help him get all that money his family left in Africa before they decided to die and everything.
Anywho, I am so happy I found your address. I told my good friend John Kiff that I lost it in my neighbor's pool, and of course that is exactly what happened. But then I remembered that my mother had made a nice, new needlepoint stitching for the John Kiff shrine I started in my living room. Well, I had forgotten that I had asked my mother to make that beautiful stitching on a pillow. One side of the pillow has all of John's contact information and the other side had your information. Now, since my mother is blind the stitching was not entirely clear, but I think I managed to get it right so that I could send you this e-mail.
So, please tell me what I need to do to help my good friend John Kiff and receive all that money that I deserve for my work.
Thank you for your immediate response,
Sir Matthew
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW YOU WILL RECEIVE THE DRAFT.
Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
FROM BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF.
ATTENTION:SIR MATTHEW,
IN REGARDS TO THE DRAFT THAT WAS KEPT IN MY SAFETY FROM MR JOHN KIFF TO DELIVER TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY WILL REACH YOU THROUGH COURIER SERVICE FROM IVORY COAST TO YOUR COUNTRY AND THE FEES WILL BE PAID BY YOU AS THE BENEFICARY OF THE PACKAGE BEFORE THE DRAFT WILL BE SEND TO YOU.
I WILL WANT YOU TO SEND TO ME YOUR FULL CONTACT INFORMATIONS,LIKE YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS,COUNTRY,CITY,AND TELEPHONE NUMBER SO THAT WHEN THE DHL COMPANY GETS TO YOUR COUNTRY THEY WILL CALL YOU TO KNOW ON HOW THEY CAN LOCATE AND DELIVER THE DRAFT TO YOU.
IMMEDATLY I GET THIS INFORMATIONS FROM YOU,THEN I WILL PROCEED TO THE DHL OFFICE TO KNOW THE COST OF SENDING YOU THE DRAFT. I BELIEVE THAT ONCE YOU PAY FOR THE DHL FEES IN 48 HOURS THE DRAFT IS WITH YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY.
CALL ME ON THIS NUMBER IN RECEIPT OF THIS EMAIL DIAL +225 0904 0217.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF(ESQ)
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW YOU WILL RECEIVE THE DRAFT.
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Dear Barrister Usman Saleef,
Thank you for your quick response. I am so glad we are finally moving forward on this project of getting me all that money that my good friend John Kiff promised me. It’s too bad his family died, but at least the money is safe and that is what’s important.
By the way, "Barrister" is an unusual first name. I assume it is short for Barry. Anyway, after I received your e-mail I began gathering the information you need. First, I want to tell you my mailing address: 1060 West Addison Street, Chicago, IL 60613. Barry, please make sure that all of your future letters and correspondence reach me at that address. Also, if you, John and the helpful man from India all want to visit me there, I would be happy to invite you all for a nice lunch of hotdogs, crackerjacks and soda.
Now I must tell you that I have two problems. The first problem is your phone number. I tried to call the number you gave me (225-0904-0217) and it didn't work. Of course I know that 225 is an area code for Louisiana, but honestly I am not sure if you are in Baton Rouge or Scotlandville. Either way, I would love to make a trip down there and enjoy some real Creole cooking and Cajun hospitality. Barry, do you know how to make jambalaya?
The second problem I have is your e-mail. Why did you use all capital letters? Please, in your future e-mail messages, do not type all capital letters; it is difficult to read.
Thanks Barry,
Sir Matthew I
PS Please send me my check right away!
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: THE FEE FOR THE DHL.
Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
FROM BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF.
ATTENTION:SIR MATTHEW,
IN REGARDING THE DRAFT ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO PAY FOR THE DHL FEES AND I WILL PROCEED IMMEDATLY TO THE DHL OFFICE TO SEND YOU THE DRAFT AS SOON AS I AM IN RECEIPT OF THE FEES FROM YOU.
THE AMOUNT FOR SENDING THE PACKAGE TO YOU IS USD 980 DOLLARS AND YOU WILL HAVE TO GET THE FEES DOWN TO ME HERE THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRASNFER WITH THE INFORMATIONS STATED BELOW:
BELOW IS THE INFORMATION FOR SENDING THE MONEY:
RECEIVERS NAME:USMAN SALEEF
COUNTRY:IVORY COAST
CITY:ABIDJAN
AMOUNT:USD $980 ONLY
QUESTION:WHAT IS YOUR NAME
ANSWER:SALEEF
IMMEDATLY YOU SEND THE MONEY,SCAN THE WESTERN UNION PAPER SLIP TO MY EMAIL SO THAT I WILL PROCEED TO THE DHL OFFICE AND WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS THE DRAFT WILL BE WITH YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY.
I AM NOT COMFORTABLE WRITTING WITH SMALL LETTERS AND THE NUMBER YOU CALLED WAS OFF THAT WAS WHY YOU COULD NOT GET ME AND I TRIED ALSO CALLING YOU BUT YOU DID NOT ANSWER THE CALL.
BEST REGARDS,
BARRISTER USMAN SALEEF(ESQ)
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: THE FEE FOR THE DHL.
Date: Thu, 01 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
My Dear Barry,
Thanks again for your message. However I really must insist that you write your e-mails using lowercase letters. It is simply too hard for me to read the letters when they are ALL CAPITALS. See? It is harder. Well, it is harder for me anyway because of my job as a rodeo clown. You see, I have very blurry vision. You might think it is from the beating I take from the bulls, but it is not. My eyesight problems are the direct result of rodeo clown make-up. When it gets in your eyes it stings so much! It feels almost like you are being kicked in the head by a bull. Well, now that I think about it, maybe those kicks to my head from the bulls also have something to do with my poor vision. In any case, please re-send your message using lowercase letters.
Thanks Barry,
Sir Matthew, Esquire
PS Did you fix your phone yet?
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: Re: The same message.
Date: Fri, 02 May 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
From barrister usman saleef.
Attention sir matthew,
In regarding the draft all you need to do is to pay for the DHL fees and i will proceed to the DHL office immedatly in sending the draft to you.
The amount for sending you the draft to you is USD $980 and you will have to send the fees to me down here through western union money transfer with the informations stated below:
Below is the informations for sending the money:
Receiver's name:usman saleef
Country:ivory coast
City:abidjan
Amount:$980
Question:what is my name
Answer:saleef
Immedatly you send the money,scan the western union paper slip to my email so that i will proceed to the DHL in sending the draft to you and within the next 24 hours the draft will be with you in your country.you can call me by 4pm your time or you inform me of what time that will be comfortable for you so as i will aware and also i tried calling couple of times and no one picked the phone.
Regards,
Usman saleef.
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: The same message.
Date: Fri, 02 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Dear Barry,
Thank you so much for writing back so quickly. Finally, I can read your e-mail messages. Those uppercase letters were so hard to read. I know it must have been a chore for you to make the changes and I appreciate the extra work you did in re-writing the letter. In fact, in recognition of your efforts, once I receive all of the $950,000 promised to me from my good friend John Kiff, I want to share part of that money with you too. Now, I have already stated that
I intend to give $5 to that wonderful man in India whose mind was so morally helpful to my good friend John Kiff. Well, I have thought long and hard about this and I want to give you $5 also for all your work. So, the money will be distributed as follows: $5 to the Indian guy, $5 to you, and $949,990 to me.
Now I have a question for you. My good friend John Kiff said that he had to leave the Ivory Coast and that he was in
India. But you want me to make the wire transfer to the Ivory Coast? See the problem? If John left the Ivory Coast, shouldn't I send the wire transfer to India? Or, are you saying that John is now back in the Ivory Coast?
Maybe I should ask John that question. I'll write him after I send this message.
Thanks Barry for all your help,
Sir Matthew, Friend of Animals
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Where are you?
Date: Fri, 02 May 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Good Friend John Kiff,
Where are you? Barry and I aren't sure if you are in the Ivory Coast or in India. Please write soon because I need to know where to send the money. I hope you are well (except for the fact that your family was killed off of course).
Your friend,
Sir Matthew I
From: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Subject: I am in India.
Date: Sat, 03 May 2008
To: Matt Borden
Dear Sir,
I received your email,like i told you that i am in india and not ivory coast.the money you are sending to the lawyer is to pay of the dhl fees.
So you are sending the money to the lawyer so that he can help you to send the draft through dhl and once you send the money to him and he sends the draft to you please do inform me so that i will know that he has send the draft to you.
God bless you,
John Kiff.
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: Response to your mail.
Date: Mon, 05 May 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
From barrister usman saleef.
Attention sir matthew,
Regards to your mail,once you are through with johnthen you can proceed immedatly in sending the fees.
Once i am in receipt of the fees from you today i will go and send the draft to you through DHL and withing the next couple of hours the draft will be with you in your country.
Scan and attach the western union paper slip to my email and do not forget to use the informations that i gave to you.
Regards,
Usman saleef.
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: I am in India.
Date: Mon, 05 May 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Dear Johnny,
Good to hear from you. See? I thought you were in India. I will tell my banker here to make sure he sends the bank draft to you there. Now, what city are you in? We can do a bank-to-bank wire transfer of the cash. I just need to know the name of your bank in India. Also, can you tell me the name of the Indian man to whom I owe the $5? Also, have you found a good curry place yet? Finally, how much does a plate of good curry cost there anyway? I know your entire family was murdered, but you sure could buy a lot of curry if you wanted to with all that money you have now. You certainly are a lucky guy. By the way, did you realize that Barry's phone number is in Louisiana? Have you ever been there? I think Barry’s family is Cajun, but he has not confirmed this.
Oh, I almost forgot...has your mother been found yet? I was so devastated to hear that she got lost that I completely forgot all about her. My friends and I are ready to start the search whenever you say. I have a rodeo clown posse of 13 men I can trust. They're all rodeo clowns like me. Twelve are really good clowns, true professionals, and then there's Wilbur. Wilbur is not a good rodeo clown. He should probably seek some other type of job really, but that is just between you and me. Please don't tell Wilbur I said that.
Okay, send me the name of your bank in India and I will have the money wired to you there.
Thank you Johnny,
Your good friend,
Sir Matthew, Earl of Sandwich
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: Response to your mail.
Date: Mon, 05 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Dear Barry,
Things are going great. Johnny and I are making plans for me to have my bank here wire the money to him directly in India. You knew he left the Ivory Coast, didn't you? Didn't you know that his whole family died in the Ivory Coast? Why would he stay there? What country would you move to if your family was killed? I know that I would head straight to India. Speaking of which, you should send him a card or something. I mean, it doesn't have to be so specific about how his family was wiped out or anything, but just a note saying something like "Thinking of you while you mourn the death of your entire family" or words to that effect. Anyway, if you want some curry, you should ask Johnny because I think he has found many good places to eat. Although he has neglected to tell me where yet. Okay, thanks Barry. Talk to you soon.
Sir Matthew, The Duke of Earl
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: Call me on +225 0904 0217.
Date: Fri, 09 May 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
From barrister usman saleef.
Attention sir matthew,
Call me immedatly you receive this email dial +225 0904 0217.
Regards,
Usman saleef.
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: Call me on +225 0904 0217.
Date: Mon, 12 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Hi Barry,
I have been trying to call you for 3 days! Where are you? Every time I call your number (225-090-4021) I end up talking to some guy in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The man that always answers the phone is named Rufus Howard Watson. Of course I always ask for Barry and he says that there is nobody there named Barry. I probably called him 16 times on Saturday alone. I kept calling back because I thought maybe you were just out hunting crocs or something. Rufus always tells me that I better stop calling him. He also started to say some bad things about my family the last 12 times I called. What should I do? Please advise.
Sir Matthew, Earl Grey
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: Re: Dial+225 0904 0217 not 225.
Date: Mon, 12 May 2008
To: “Matt Borden”
From barrister usman saleef.
Attention sir matthew,
What you should do to receive the draft is to send down the dhl fees to me in Ivory coast with the informations that i gave to you early on through western union money transfer if you really want to receive the draft but if you are not ready to send the fees then you forget about it.
The number that i gave to you is +225 which is the country code of Ivory coast,if you dial 225 you will not get me.if you are willing to call then dial +225 09 04 0217.
I will advice that you proceed immedatly now to go and send the fees then by tuesday moring my time i will go to the dhl to send you the draft and by wednesday you wil be having the draft with you in your country.
Regards,
Usman saleef.
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: Dial+225 0904 0217 not 225.
Date: Wed, 14 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
My Dearest Barry,
Thank you for pointing out my error. I kept calling Baton Rouge Louisiana and talking with Rufus Howard Watson when you were not even there! Please accept my apologies for the mistake. To set things right I am going to double your cut of the profits. That's right, you now have $10 coming your way as soon as I get the $950,000 for myself. Congratulations! Now I have a question for you: how exactly do I dial a "+" on the phone? You said I need to dial "+225", so how do I dial "+"? Please tell me how to place this call so we can talk about the Western Union wire transfer.
Thanks Barry,
Your good friend,
Sir Matthew, OBE
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Telephone call / money
Date: Thu, 15 May 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Good Friend John Kiff,
I have been trying to call Barry but his phone does not work. Barry told me to dial +225 but I do not know how to dial a + sign on the phone. My phone has numbers only, not plus, minus and multiplication signs. Honestly I think
Barry was looking at a calculator instead of a phone. Do you have a phone number in India? The only person I have spoken to is Rufus Howard Watson in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Do you know Rufus? Has Rufus ever been to India? Is Indian food anything like Louisiana Jambalaya? Anyway, Rufus seems like a nice guy based on my conversations with him. So, with your approval, I have decided that it is only right to give Rufus $3 of my money, for all his hard work on this project. Thus, by my reckoning, here are the current financial figures of our deal:
-You give me $950,000
-I give the Indian man $5
-I give Barry $10
-I give Rufus Howard Watson $3
Now, in order for me to send the Western Union wire transfer to you John, I need to know what city in India to send it to. John, please tell me your city in India and I will send the money today for the DHL fees.
Your good friend,
Sir Matthew, Prince of Wales
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Western Union money
Date: Thu, 22 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Hi Johnny and Barry,
I have some great news! I talked to all my rodeo clown buddies and I convinced nine of them to join me and chip in $100 each for the DHL fees. So, we are going to send you ten $100 Western Union money orders. Is that acceptable? Here are the names of the other people who will each send you $100: Frankie D. Farmer, Billy D. Corncorb, Johnnie U. Wanker, Harvey Manfrenjensenjen, Jimmy Twotimes, Fredo Corleone, Frank N. Stein, Barry Namsu Feelas and Wilbur Jenkins. You may remember Wilbur’s name because I think I mentioned him in a previous e-mail. Anyway, after our rodeo clown bi-weekly meeting last night, Wilbur couldn’t wait to get to a Western Union office to send his $100 to you. So, I suspect the first $100 will come from Wilbur. He also kept asking me for your e-mail addresses so he could thank you personally. I wouldn’t be surprised if Wilbur sent his money already! Please let me know if this arrangement will work for you. I couldn’t pay the entire amount myself so I am so glad my whole posse has joined me. I am looking forward to receiving my money soon!
Sir Matthew I, Viceroy of the Indies
From: “Wilbur Jenkins”
Subject: Wester Youyen muney
Date: Fri, 23 May 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Deer Mistur Jon Barry,
My name is Wilbur Jenkins. I am a rodeo clowne. My frend Matt told me to send you $100. I hop this muney helps you find yur momma. My frend Matt told me that if I send you $100, you wud send me $200. So I went to Wester Youyen and paid $100. I hop you get it. For my $200 I hop you send it rite away like me. I need more rodeo clowne makeup for my face. I am not sur why I use a lot of that rodeo clowne makeup but I shore do use a lot. My favorit colors is blu and white. My eyes are blu two so that is why I use blu so much. My skin is white two so I use blu and white. Okay Jon Barry, please send me my $200 now.
Sinseerly,
Wilbur Jenkins
From: “Fredo Corleone”
Subject: Da money
Date: Sat, May 24, 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Hiya Johnnie,
I got a buddy, Matt, and he told me all about your troubles. My buddy made me an offer what I just couldn't refuse. I got a big family, so I know I could help you, ya know what I mean? Anyway I got this $100 for ya. And I got another buddy who works for Western Union. See what I mean? Anyway, Matt told me to give ya the $100, and then I could expect some gratitude from you in return for the loan. See? So some day, I’m gonna ask you for a favor. See? So Johnnie, just tell me where to send da money.
Your pal,
Fredo
From: “Jimmy Twotimes”
Subject: Da money
Date: Sun, May 25, 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Hey John, Hey John,
My name’s Jimmy Twotimes, Jimmy Twotimes. I got a friend ya know, got a friend. He told me all about your troubles, about your troubles. I’m gonna send you some money, send you money. Make sure you cut me in on the deal, okay? Cut me in on the deal.
See ya later, see ya later
Jimmy
PS Jimmy
From: “Frank N. Stein”
Subject: arghhhda7l?
Date: Thu, May 29, 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Cc: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
Arghh,
Me Frank N Stein. Arghh. Me want…tkjdnf,m fjfn, me want fkdirenfkld dknf. Arghh. Me want money buy new brain. Arghh. kjdf,fsksdfimfdmgdsfjnfklnbvg67ghb.
From: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Subject: Re: Resect is a reciprocal
Date: Fri, 30 May 2008
To: "Matt Borden"
From barrister usman saleef.
Attention sir matthew,
Enough of all this nonsence, if you are ready and want to receive the draft collect the $100 from each of this people and send ita nd after sending the money scan the western union paper slip and send to my email.
You are too old enough to be playing games because i am not in playing games and we are no babies.
Regards,
Usman saleef.
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: Re: Resect is a reciprocal
Date: Thu, 05 Jun 2008
To: barr.usman_saleef_at_lawyer.com
Hi Barry,
Thanks for your message. I agree with you that it would be so much easier to send all the money together at one time. When I suggested that at our last rodeo clown bi-weekly meeting, Wilbur opposed me (he always opposes me at the clown meetings). Wilbur really wanted to send in his own money. Anyway, it turns out I can’t send you the money. I don’t have the time. You see my entire family also was recently killed in an unfortunate cookie decorating accident. Now I have to move my millions out of Minnesota before Betty Crocker’s goon squad comes looking for me. Don’t worry—I’ll explain this myself to my good friend John Kiff. I hope I can send you an I.O.U. for the $10 I promised you. Thanks Barry, you have been a great friend.
Sir Matthew I, the Parish Vicar
From: “Matt Borden”
Subject: To My Good Friend John Kiff
Date: Fri, 06 Jun 2008
To: john_kiff_at_yahoo.cn
My Good Friend John Kiff,
I cannot begin to thank you for your friendship during these last four months. Your companionship has meant so much to me. Unfortunately, as I explained to our pal Barry, it seems I will be unable to help you move your money out of the Ivory Coast. I have my own problems now. Betty Crocker has put a price on my head after killing off my whole family at an otherwise pacific baking contest. Honestly, I am not sure where to turn now, but I still want to help you if I can. John Kiff, you are my good friend, so I promise you that I will publicize your story so that others may hear of it and learn about you and your problems. Perhaps after reading your story, someone else’s mind will be touched to offer you assistance. Hopefully they will contact you soon (and repeatedly), offering all manner of advice and counsel. Best of luck to you, and may God save the Queen!
Sir Matthew I, Holy Roman Emperor